Category: Let's talk
Hi,
This topic is aimed at those who were born blind, or lost their sight at a young age (I would say before the age of 6 would qualify.) I would like to get some opinions about things that people belonging to this group believe that they missed out on as a direct result of not being able to see at a critical time in their lives when visual stimuli overwhelm, or at least overstimulate, most children.
I'll state my case first. I have been blind since birth. The main thing I think I missed out on is the ability to form facial expressions. If I couldn't see them, how could I know how to replicate them? While I certainly think I smile at the appropriate times, nod and shake my head at times, I don't know if my face, or more specifically, my eyes, register the proper emotions that others do so naturally. I often wonder if part of my social awkwardness doesn't stem from this very basic fact which everyone else takes for granted. the eye contact thing plays into this as well. I was taught at a young age to aim my face in the direction of whomever is talking. I believe I do a good job at that, but I wonder if I'm interpreted as staring, or worse, staring in an empty, detached way. Btw, I do not have prosthetic eyes. I also have some very limited vision, as in I can see shadows, and can tell the difference if something is light or dark colored, but I can't distinguish between colors. I've also been told that I jerk my head in such a way that I look defensive if I'm startled by someone who comes up behind me, or in general when someone else in the room is speaking, and I try to turn my head towards them.
The other thing I believe I missed out on, and maybe this really isn't important, is how to smoke. Everyone in my family lights up all the time, and I'm sure, if I were sighted, I would do that too. Anything to reduce my anxiety level would be a good thing. I know, it's unhealthy and all that, and maybe it's a good thing, but I don't even know how to use a lighter, not even to do something innocent like light a candle. I wish I could have been able to watch and emulate as other sighted children do, even if it was for said innocent reasons.
So, what are your thoughts?
First, I totally do not accept blindness as a reason not to smoke. i smoke, and its easy. I've only burned myself maybe twice in five years. If you want, I'll get with you off this board and chat about how to use a lighter. Now, on we go.
I agree that I worry about staring. The thing I worry about most though, is where I'm staring. I'm always afraid that I'm trying to have a conversation with some girl, and I'm staring right at her breasts. Its unnerving.
I used to worry about facial expressions too, but I asked a sighted friend about it, and she said that I form them naturally. I think facial expressions are just something you do.
The thing I think I miss out on most is clothing. I wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. I wish I could find a system where I could wear different things. i know some blind people do it, but I don't have the knowledge of fashion, or a working system to be able to pull it off.
Hello FireAndRain:
I think this is a really good topic. First, I don't think you have to worry about your smile. I've never seen, but most people don't practice their smile in a mirror either. In fact, those people I know who do perform? Actually have to practice poses and gestures in the mirror so they can get it right. But your biology and evolution wired you to smile right, unless you're one of those born without that ability. Those people have had a very unfortunate hard time of it.
I agree about missing certain types of things. The irony is, the better you are at compensating, the more it seems to stand out when you do miss things. I'm finding also that the job of conpensation is a lot more taxing with time and age. Too many irons in the fire, too much far more pressing matters to consume my time, than compensating for what I only know as an intellectual exersise.
There are a couple funny events, though, on the lighter side.
I didn't know until a couple years ago that the moon was pea-sized, at least in the northern hemisphere. Probably bigger at the equator. Anyway the wife got a video of Buzz Aldridge and Neal Armstrong talking about the lunar landing. The thing that really puzzled me was, they talked about standing on the moon, holding up their thumb, and the view of the Earth would entirely disappear. I was working hard to figure that one out, and couldn't. Finally when the wife came home I told her this, omitting any attempts at an explanation. She asked how bit I thought the moon looked. I had always guessed around baseball size. After all, you may see it move behind a bushy tree or a building. And, as a boy, when others didn't know what I was up to, on several occasions after people had said the moon had gone behind a certain tree, I'd paced it off, and imagined myself throwing something over its top to the other side, and concluded the biggest object you could probably toss over the tree with the least circumference that they had mentioned, would be a baseball.
Obviously I was wildly wrong, and the point is moot in real life. But I had simply grown up thinking it, after having done that on a couple different occasions,and hadn't given it a second thought. When my daughter was about 3, the moon was particularly full, and there was a rather touching moment when she grabbed me and told me the moon looked like a giant ball, would I reach up and get it for her so she could play with it. I don't have many Hallmark moments but that was one. Later I did try to work that one out: we were living in Florida, so that would account for the increased size. I looked on the Internet (something I certainly hadn't had as a boy) and the reports were it was a much fuller moon, not some sort of optical illusion created by reflection from distant cloudcover. I guessed it to maybe be closer to about 2/3 the diameter of a soccer ball, like one of the balls she had.
That is kind of funny. But yes, it can be frustrating when you try to work something out, and end up being wildly wrong.
In my experience, I'm usually most wrong about how things look at a great distance, or misjudge color combinations.
The distance thing can be explained, because to a sighted person not raised in the rain forests of Africa, they are accustomed to the way an image proportionally reduces its size with distance between themselves at point a and the object's location at point b. Naturally there's some pretty sophisticated analysis going on that they aren't actually aware of - most of them. We have no analog to that. Sound grows fainter, but doesn't perceptibly change. Imagine instead if a person's voice grew lower and lower with distance as well as fainter and fainter. That's closer to what it would be like, but I don't think it's even a fair comparison.
For me, since I have no optic nerves, colors have always been a set of labels to be memorized and applied to certain things. Again, as I've gotten older, I have less and less room for most of that, and don't hardly remember the color of a given tote bag or jacket like I used to. Unless I absolutely need the information.
I think at this point in life, with the awkward head games of youth and worrying what everyone else iss thinking behind me, my greatest challenge lies with my daughter's photography. She's 17-and-a-half, and so is a lot more analytical of the praise she gets for doing things than when she was a little girl. It's hard for her to see how her dad who can't see her nature shots could possibly be doing anything other than just "saying what dads are supposed to say."
The truth? I've spent a career with lots of professional people, and am pretty damned good at sniffing out a blow-hard or a hot-shot. Sure, I don't know what a picture of two crossed leaves with a drop of dew on the middle, and beams of sunlight shining down on them, really looks like. And yes, it's true I don't know the difference between a good and bad picture, aside from what can be understood with the left side of your brain.
However, what I do know, and know very well, is that whenever she gets her gear together, sets up for the shots, and looks at the product afterwards,I see someone very different than the bouncing baby girl who used to jump on my feet. And I see someone very different from people doing the squeeze-one-off cell phone shots. I know she's really in her element, and her demeanor is totally professional even at 17.
This is a tough one. Tougher than any of your teenage so-called social awkward, stuff, teenage ritualized preening or wondering who is looking at whom amongst the busy shoppers in a mall parking lot, all of whom have their hoods pulled down nearly over their eyes to keep out the pouring rain.
But anymore, I don't have time, energy or inclination to fake it anymore, watch every movement of mine, worry about the fact my eyes move around. Trust me: none of that stuff is going to get your bills paid, keep your marriage together, your kids out of trouble, or their college paid for.
The time I give the greatest thought to those sort of appearance things now is when in Uniform. And all of that is very straightforward, there is no prissys playing Matching Game fight over variants in color too small to properly measure on a pallet. And its purpose is equally straightforward: so your sighted friends would recognize us when they need us in a disaster. There are no head games with the Uniform. And I guess anymore, it's the head games that surround many of the things you first mentioned which are a 0-sum rigged game and no end of frustration.
I know with the photography thing, it'll all blow over, phases always do, and she will realize I've meant what I said, and bought, in support of her interest.
very well said, Leo. like you, I no longer worry about what I'm staring at, or other things the previous posters seem to be concerned with.
my facial expressions form naturally, and oftentimes, before I say things aloud, it's clear what I'm thinking. and, although I've never seen a smile, I smile all the time (the only exception is not being able to make myself smile when my picture is being taken, but that may not even be directly related to blindness).
in my experience talking with people, it's pretty easy to gauge whether you're looking at an accurate spot or not; following their voice is the trick.
I would say the only thing I really miss out on is fashion; clothes, hair, makeup, ETC. I've asked for plenty of educated opinions, and I trust everyone who has ever given me fashion advice, but at the end of the day, even educated opinions are just opinions, and not everyone agrees with them. it gets a bit confusing when, for example, one person tells me I look really good wearing a bit of foundation and lip gloss, and another person says they just make me look fake, and that I'd be much better off wearing blush and lip gloss. I'm one of those people who generally doesn't wear any makeup, style my hair, or dress up really fancy, but some occasions require it. Generally, I stick to the "a little bit goes a long way" theory, and I have yet to get any nasty comments on my looks, but it would be a good feeling, if someone ever did insult my fashion choices, to be able to tell them it works for me, I think it looks great, and that's all that matters. I'm not saying I haven't found plenty of ways to work around this, but it's something worth mentioning in my book.
Other than that, everything else, to me, has enough workarounds to make them nothing more than a daily task.
Hi, F&R. Good topic.
I hear you on the facial expressions thing, but I think I have the opposite problem as you are talking about. Cody is right: facial expressions occur naturally, perhaps too naturally. I know there have been times when I've been angry, or sad, or feeling some other deep emotion that I don't want others to know I'm feeling. Even though I can keep it out of my voice, I've been told my face gives me away every time. I know there are people who can keep a poker face, so to speak, but I'm not one of them. Sometimes I think if I were sighted, I'd have learned to do that better. It would also be nice to know what people mean when they talk about eyes conveying emotions such as love, or flashing in anger, etc. I can't even picture how they do that.
I'm with Ocean. I don't often wear make-up, or dress fancy. But I have people in my life that I trust when it comes to advice about clothes, hair and make-up, so I learned from a young age how to handle that kind of thing. Even though I don't get all dressed up or wear make-up a lot, and I wear my hair in such a way that I don't have to spend a ton of time on it, I know how to do it when I need to. It would be nice to look myself in the mirror sometimes and see the reflection, but I've been told I look nice, so I guess it works.
Oh, oops. Forgot to address two things. One, I've been blind from birth as well. Two, I don't see how blindness influences smoking, either. I have several blind friends who smoke, and can light the cigar or cigarette without burning themselves or taking an age to do it. So though it's something you never picked up by sight, you could be taught how to do it, if you wanted to become a smoker.
I was born blind and thus really don't feel that I've missed out on things. I guess it has to do with how you feel about your blindness. The reason I don't feel that I've missed out is because all I know is not seeing.
Agree with the last poster; I grew up with a blind parent who smoked all the time, so although I've never tried it and have absolutely no desire to, it is definitely possible for a blind person to smoke.
I lost most of my usable vision when I was about 4 years old, so I don't even really remember having sight. I still have light perception, and if I hold something up really close to my face, I can only tell whether it is light or dark, so I can't distinguish colors.
So I feel like I miss out on fashion too, and being able to match clothes properly. I guess that's why I dress casually most of the time wearing jeans and t-shirts and sweaters so I don't have to worry about what goes with what.
i also often wonder what I actually look like, because I've been told by people that I'm relatively attractive, but it would be nice to be able to look in the mirror to determine this for myself. I do wear make up most of the time, and although I have gotten better at applying it, I still mess up every once in a while if I'm rushing.
this is an excellent topic. it's one i've never thought about.
the biggest thing i missed out on with my kids was sewing those darned badges on their boy scout shirt and girlscout sash. they had to be put on in a certain way, and they had to be attached with certain stitches. since my craft impairment has always been of more trouble to me than my visual one, I've felt bad about this inadequacy. I asked other moms in the troops if they could help me and they said that my kid got more than theires did so no way jose.
As for growing up, I never thought i missed out on stuff. I just experienced things differently.
My parents were really big on describing stuff to me. also they always let me touch things.
Leo, the thing which always amazed me was the horizon. I understand intelectually that it has to do with the curvature of the earth blah blah blah, but It just is so weird to me. In my mind i just picture it as a line but that may be wrong.
The funny things is, that I love alaska. Some folk have actually said to me that "you are a waste of a good space. you can't see the scenery so you should give your spot up for someone who can fully appreciate the entire experience." My answer is that perception for all of us is different. what they see if they close their eyes is much less than what i do because i've always been blind. oh and for the record, i should get some points for not saying "you would never fully appreciate alaska because you are far to narrow minded to make it there you bobble headed bankrobber."
when I was a kid, my mom who was a very fashion forward lady would quiz me on car trips about "what does red go with?" "what would you wear with blue?" the only problem is that what is acceptable now would never have been worn 40 years ago. i'm speaking for example of purple and green and blue and green or brown and black. I love clothes and I buy everything that doesn't look like anything else and remember what color it is. True this probably fills up some part of my brain which could and probably should be used to store something else but oh well, as they say "at the end of the day it is what it is." for the record i hate that cliche.
I had light perception until the end of third grade. i remember watching lightning streak across the sky and could see the moon if it was full and shining on a field of snow. i loved to get up with my dad and watch the sun come up. that totally amazed and mystified me. still does to be honest.
the only thing i wish i could see is the northern lights. i hear they are amazing. some people say that they make a sound as well as their colors. maybe someday i'll find out.
They do make a sound, and if I had the talent, I would describe it for you, but I don't think I can.
Did anyone else growing up think that certain color combinations or visual environments caused sighted people pain?
Based on the responses certain types of environments would cause people, I assumed, well into young adulthood, that it was either something akin to physical pain like a bee sting, or simply elicited a nervous response beyond their control. I was in my early 20s before I actually figured out they could in fact control themselves when exposed to certain types of color mismatches or other undesirable visual stimuli. For the most part, some people's responses to those environmental factors are so raw, primitive, and like the lower primates, it could be difficult to tell what was their trouble.
Speaking of which: this one actually still puzzles me to this day. There are schemes in buildings where every single sighted person, no matter the demographic or walk of life, protests at how grotesque or horrid it is. The higher-functioning ones with better judgment obviously don't elicit the same raw primordial responses but nonetheless are honest when asked. Presuming the designer themselves were sighted, it's hard for me to see it as anything other than a sick joke.
And on the other side, as a manager in one situation, people were shocked when I suggested since this was causing such a problem we ditch those who had brought in that scheme and replace them with people who could provide them with an environment they were more comfortable in. So, they are at the same time annoyed with or outright reactive to certain environmental changes, but it's as if they're resigned to it. The changes I proposed were not at all expensive.
How could a group put together a scheme that would so unilaterally disaffect the masses? Even as a keeper of birds, I was far more mindful to their visual environment than these designers apparently were to that of the people around me. And some of them do react rather like birds or apes do when presented with drastic visual changes. I admit, I am prejudiced: when I see outbursts like that I tend to view that person as unfit for any sort of decision-making that requires good judgment. I had to become an adult to realize that while they are louder, more frantic and more flamboyant than anyone else, they are actually a minority.
Leo, the color combinations about which people react negatively i think is culturally directed. there are for example color ccombination on hawaiian shirts, pink with red, i think of immediately which people of our generation would find painful and offensive. nowadays, women's fashions are like anything goes. some of the things i hear that folks put together make me go "huh?" as a blind woman i would never do what they have done. for a sighted person it's an expression of individuality for a blind woman it is "who taught her?"
oh yes, as for buildings, i worked in the federal government. when i was told about our decorating skemes, i wondered what the space managers were smoking.
I hadn't even thought about the difference between intellectually knowing that certain colors go together versus actually seeing them and knowing what that would be like. When I was at the training center I attended in Pittsburgh, I had a class where one of the topics covered was knowing which colors went well together. I was actually assigned to write it down, and that was probably a good thing, because writing something down always makes it stick with me. On the other hand, I guess I do wonder now and then what it would be like to just hold up a shirt and a pair of pants and know whether they match or not just by looking. I also dress casually most of the time, though if the occasion calls for it, I'll dress up. I was taught how to apply makeup, but I'm not any good at it, so I just don't wear it now. I would always put too much on or do it unevenly. Now I don't care what people think about me not wearing makeup, although I have certain family members who say I should wear it to look older, because apparently I look young for my age. But I don't think it's worth it considering I don't visually understand the appeal. Maybe, if I could see what it looked like, it would be different.
Well, you could do with makeup what I might do when buying a suit or some other formalware: only consult people who are in the know, people who wear that on a regular basis, and whose impression you intend to emulate. This may offend a sighted friend or two, but the truth is just because they have eyes doesn't mean their opinion is what you want. What you want, being we are all on the outside looking in, is the opinion of one who knows what you are emulating.
My wife has never helped out in that department because suits and formalware have never been her thing. And now, especially with the uniform, I would never ask a fashionable type to see if I was in regulation compliance. I've seen said fashionable types stand tall - as tall as one might - before the Officer in Charge for some outward flamboyance or out-of-line uniform wear.
When I used to have piercings, I only sought the opinion of either piercers themselves or other likeminded people, not just "someone sighted".
The bottom line is, I look at the visulal thing just as I look on getting an opinion on a plumbing or electrical job in my house: Not real likely to go talk to a guy who knows a guy who thinks maybe that'll work. Most of the time, your most eager critics are your least capable of a decision that remotely expresses any type of sound judgment.
I have reasonably good hearing, but nobody should come to me to listen to the sound their engine is making, nor can I tell the difference between the cocking sound that two separate firearms make. But I do know people who can tell both of these things because of background, training and exposure. You'll offend some who are less capable when you take this sort of stance, but you yourself will have spent your money better, positioned yourself better, and in general be happier with the results.
Excellent topic. I struggle with these types of questions myself. I've been blind since birth as well and so the color as label thing I do understand. I think taste and expression are natural things. With a very vaine mother who completely embraced the 80s it was tough as a blind kid. Horrible fashion memories but a freak for grooming. I rebelled and went the happy hippy route. I love colors but I did have a goth phase in high school. I pride myself on my taste in shoes. I also know what looks good on me. I'd like to get better with hair and makeup. Just because I'm covered doesn't mean I don't like beauty. For those gals looking for comfy and lovely try looking at some salwar kameez, there made in all colors fabrics and are great for summer wear. I'm much less worried about what my face does these days. There are certain things we all miss no matter how we feel about our particular limitations. I have a beautiful boy and I don't need to see to know it.
I lost my sight completely at age three, and I have many very vivid memories from when I had vision, so much so that in my dreams, I still have sight. Of course,I cannot distinguish color in them.
Anyhow, there are several things I used to do when I had sight, and now in comparison, they are just not as entertaining or enjoyable now that I am blind. When I was younger, I loved drawing, playing video games, and watching basketball with my dad. Also, sometimes I wish I was sighted just so I could see people's facial expressions when they are shocked, surprised, angry, or making any comical expression.
Other than that, I don't feel I've missed out on much. I could not care less about fashion. I buy clothes in all sorts of colors, and for the most part, I know which colors match because when my mother picked out my clothes when I was smaller, she always told me the colors in the outfit. Now, I have labels on just about everything unless I remember the color of an article of clothing with a unique texture.
I never worry about makeup because I don't need it, and if I want my hair done up especially nice, I pay someone to do it for me.
Labeling is the best way to keep track of your clothes. Then again, it goes back to what I was saying, you can know that certain colors go together, but I would still like to know what it would truly be like to see the colors and know, on an instinctive level based on visual feedback or stimulation, that certain colors go together. It's not something I think about often, but it would still be neat.
I've to agree as this is a wonderful and an useful topic as most of the zoners are blind here.
Firstly, I'm also a born blind with probably 2.5% of sight. I can see only lights, shadows, bigger objects like cars trucks and so on.
I can see the color differences, but I cannot say which color it is. I can surely say whether this is a light color or dark shade.
As far as my sighted friends' opinion, I cannot be identified as a blind person, if I'm not holding my cane in hand. They always advice me to hold a cane whenever I'm coming out since the Indian drunken drivers may not be knowing that you're blind so they may drag you straight to the heaven.
Sadly, I cannot see the facial expressions. I do want sight for that. I feel, that's the very big thing I'm missing because, even though I live in a big city, even though there are many many people walking around, most the time, it's being hard to identify how their faces are getting turned up while I'm asking to help me cross the roads. I found many were ignoring my call and I found many were rushing to help me after a young chick is willing to do so.
I hate depending someone for most the time. but as per this part, I cannot avoid since we don't have any accessible talking signals here.
Dinesh aka Raaj.
I too think this is a great topic.
I try not to dwell on all that I have missed by being blind because, like someone said, it is what it is, and to be honest, it's depressing. lol
Anyway, here's my list in no particular order.
1. I missed the ability to scan a room, see what groups of people are sitting where, and join the groups I would have liked to join. This was common in middle school once lunch seats were no longer assigned. I often got stuck sitting with the nerds or misfits simply because there tables were the ones with the most room and thus had easily identifiable open seats. lol We moved allot and lets face it, the "popular" crowd is not likely to invite the new girl, especially the blind new girl, to sit or join in with them. As an adult, this is challenging too.
2. It's sort of related but I really miss the ability to recognize people without them having to speak to me. I probably come off as super snobby because if someone is waving to me, or looking at me and smiling, I haven't a clue. Honestly, I'm good at recognizing voices but that's gotten more challenging as I've gotten older. Many people have distinct voices but not all. There's nothing more awkward than having to ask with whom I'm speaking. Now I've pretty much gotten to the point where I'll say when I first meat someone, "I'm terrible at recognizing voices so if I ask who you are, it isn't because I don't remember you. I'm much better with names." Hey, sighted folks always say they're terrible at faces, right? lol I probably could have summed this all up in a nutshell. Nonverbal communication sucks. It would also be cool to know what people look like. I can't tell pretty from ugly or hotties from, well, not hotties. lol Guess it's a good thing I'm already married. And besides, I'm kind of glad that I have to look deeper than the surface because I would have missed out on knowing some really cool people.
Someone mentioned concerns about the appropriateness of their facial expressions. I remember the first time I discovered that they truly do come naturally. I was in 7th grade and apparently rolled my eyes at someone I was pretending to like. lol hey, it was 7th grade after all. Anyway, once she asked me why I rolled my eyes at her, I tried to remember what that expression felt like so as to be more careful about not making it. lol Usually as an adult, I have a tendancy to be very stressed out in some social situation, especially situations where I'm in a large ghroup with my son and he's off playing with his friends. We were at Chuck E Cheese once and a girl from our moms group told me that I looked really pissed off or bitchy. I wasn't but I was consentrating very hard on trying to keep up with the conversation while listening for my son. All that to say, my face is a direct window to my emotions.
3. As a kid, I really felt like I missed out on the ability to play team sports. I always wanted to play baseball like my friends. By the time I was introduced to beepball, I was 22 years old. I was mortified at my first game because I didn't realize that sports teams all met at center field and shook hands after a game. Lesson learned. As much as I love beepball, all the required travel was too expensive for my college budget so I had a very short career. I'll never forget how awesome it was though to score 3 runs and get 3 outs in a game where my whole family was there to watch. P E pretty much sucked too. While my friends were doing cool stuff like playing basketball, baseball, tennis or volleyball, I was either running laps trailing the wall of the gym or making up my own arobic work outs. B O R I N G!
4. I messed the ability to dance. Of course when I was little, like under the age of 9, I would just do whatever movements felt fun. Boy, did I look goofy. My mom was in drill-team in high school and always tried to teach me how to dance. I just never felt comfortable enough with how to move my body in a way that looked cool to figure it out. I remember at my 30th birthday, when I was drunk off my ever lovin ass, I was dancing. Hey, the music was blasting and I had baloons tied around my neck so what the heck, right? Uh, no. A friend of mine came over to me and said that I really needed to stop because I was not going to want to see those pictures the next day. Screw that, it was my birthday and I was having fun. Knowing that I looked like an idiot though took some of the fun out and brought out my self conscious side so I stopped. Perhaps I should save my dancing for my blind friends. lol
5. Ok, this is kind of stupid but since I'm making this ridiculously long list, here it is. I miss having a clear understanding of how the infrastructure of our highway system works. I know that sounds silly because I don't drive but we've got some hella highways, overpasses and crazy exchanges around here and they just don't make sense to me. I'd love to see a tactile model just so I could have an understanding of how service roads, exits and onramps etc work.
6. Ok, this doesnt apply to those of you who don't have kids but as a blind adult I really feel like I miss out the most when watching my kiddo play sports or do his karate stuff. He's apparently quite athletically gifted and I would love nothing more than to be able to see that for myself. I'd like to be able to cheer along with the crowd at games and actually know what the hell I'm cheering about instead of having to wait to ask someone what happened.
Well, there's probably a whole bunch more but this is quite enough. lol
To the original poster, if you really want to know how to smoke, I've been doing it for the past 14 years and could give you step by step directions. Hmm, maybe I'll post smoking directions on another topic just for the hell of it.
Wonder if that would get me in trouble with the mods in the event that someone under 18 reads the post.
domestic godess, despite not liking yourname, i love what you said. i too wish i could understand how highways are connected. here in dc, we have a beltway called 495 thag goes around the city. on it there is a certain overpass that repeatedly has come mystery person climb up to it and spray paint surrender dorothy. i'd love to know how they do it and to see that writing. i also here that overpasses go over certain parts of the cities and houses and stuff are under them. can't imagine how that can be.
as for the dancing, i would have loved to have been graceful. i was always super tall and super clumsy. probably would have had the problem as a sighted person. anyway, when i was a kid, some of the most fun memmories for me were when my brother tried to teach me how to dance. i'd love to dance now but am too self conscious.
The ability to dance has nothing to do with blindness. There are blind people who can dance very well and sighted people who have "two left feet", as they say. I didn't really start learning how to dance until eighth grade, but now I dance whenever the opportunity strikes. I'm generally not self-conscious at all when I dance, and most of the people I've talked to seem to like the way I dance. So if you're at a party and you want to dance, don't worry about what others think; just enjoy yourself! Dancing is tons of fun, and it can also be an aerobic workout!
Agree with Jess! Even though I totally suck at dancing, I still enjoy it and do it for fun whenever I can! :)
I was born blind so things like color and the sun set have no meaning to me really. I can't say I have missed out on it because I don't believe I can miss out on what I have never known. I can see the sun and moon and enjoy looking at the moon alot. I sometimes wonder the the stars look like but I never spend to much time on stuff like that. I was blessed to have parents who let me grow up just like all the other kids. I rode bikes, rock climbing and everything else kids might find fun to do. As far as fashion goes I have a few friends I really trust and they shop with me and I know the materials I like and what I'm comfortable in and am vary okay with that.
Great topic its vary interesting to read how we all feel a little different about the sighted world and what we make of it.
By and large I agree with you, Laura. I generally tell people I can't miss what I've never known, and mostly it's true. But reading the board makes me realize there were some things I did miss. Nothing I couldn't live without, obviously, or that I spend my time pining over. I too had parents who raised me the same way they did my sighted sisters, and I'm eternally grateful for that. I don't spend time dwelling on the pitfalls of being blind, though I do admit, there are times it is a real annoyance. But this board has been interesting to read, and to think about.
I agree with DomesticGodddess about voices getting harder and harder to remember as you get older. Part of it is, like they say, you have so much pressing data crammed in your head anyway with kids, work, activities, household stuff, etc., that you can't possibly remember like you did as a kid.
But also, I think as kids we interacted a lot more with the same people - in school, on the playgrounds,e etc. As an adult youre in and out of a ton of different things.
I really see the value in the nonverbal communication that I don't really participate in. I can't look into someone's eyes, I can't pick up on someone across the room waving at me, or in some instances gesturing that they need me to come over there right away. That last one has happened, and if someone hadn't pointed tha tout to me, I'd have never helped that person out.
All the compensations anymore are just so expensive most of the time. Not just financially, but just a drag on the being that I never knew was possible when I was younger.
As a kid, or even a young man, I could go to any place and have the place down in short order. Move to a new house? Fine. I'm on it, no problems. And while I don't have any problems getting around, I have struggled a lot with the limitations of age, time, circumstances and probably stress: can't really just get a snapshot of everything as fast as I used to. It all still works, it's just like someone cut back the throttle.
And let's face it: speed is our enemy: who hasn't grown up blind and been ridiculed or yelled at for dawdling, being slow, "Move it! Move it!" because there are just things that take more time to figure out no matter how you try and compensate.
So most of what I've said here is just age and time-related, except that with sight you don't have to hold onto all that data in your short-term, and, what you missed, you can quickly pick up by glancing around. It's one thing for it to cost us, but what can be pretty upsetting, is when it costs a dependent, someone who's your responsibility or your charge. That would be your kid, or even an adult in your area of responsibility, or a fellow employee at work, stuff like that.
And like I said in an earlier post, the irony is, the more successful you are at compensation, the more glaring it is when your compensation strategies fail or when your tactical efforts are wildly misplaced.
Sort of calls into question this whole thing. That's one major reason I've always felt ultimately at the end of it all, only you are going to look out for you and yours, and all external systems, while beneficial, are merely artificial.
Shweew, so it is an age thing. lol Good to know, as I just thought I was going crazy. lol
Also the highways and traffic thing can be a challenge. I have learned most of it, but not when I was younger. It helps that I have a sighted wife who drives and I have observed the many problems and foibles that come into it from an adult perspective.
The hardest thing for us to provide is information on when they need to change lanes, because if they are going to turn at a particular spot, they have to be in the requisite turn lane. Otherwise they'll have to just pass the turn and maybe drive fifty miles to the next one and turn around. Also, it's very much more difficult for them to observe their environment at 40 to 50 miles per hour, with everyone cutting them off, flippin' the bird, and tailgating them.
What's extraordinarily surprising is locations where the signage is so poor you'd thing a blind person designed it! If they can't see the sign for a street name or a turn or something in time, they won't have time to mechanically respond and set themselves up for it. So they won't be able to turn, they will end up passing the street they wanted, or otherwise be misled.
Then also the only thing they may know in a given environment is the color on a particular building, again with such poor visual display you'd think a blind person invented it: they can't see the sign or the numbers from the road. Associating color name to building in question is yet another committal to memory which I find more and more of a challenge as time goes by.
And also, the entire scheme will look different depending on lighting and other weather conditions, meaning the person in question may need to drive through there both during the day and during the night to really catch what's going on.
Unlike us, they don't have to remember everything as they get around, because the visual feedback helps. Man do I look forward to the day I can travel using a GPS system that would give me street names feedback, for just that reason!
This may not sound very nice to say, but basically driving tests human limitations profoundly, because humans didn't evolve to properly get all the visual info at 50 miles an hour. An ostrich can do it at nearly that speed for quite a while, and a cheeta can do it at 40 for less time. But neither can do it in and out of mazes at that speed, which is the task humans are often set to. And basically, as good as someone's eyes are, they basically don't have the hardware.
Which is why I am a major proponent of robotics and automation in vehicles: machines will outperfom sighted people 10,000 to one when it comes to driving because they'll be designed from the ground up to navigate at those types of speeds.
If you ever try and process what a sighted person keeps track of when they're driving, it is mind-boggling! Ride with someone who is teaching someone else to drive. It really tests human limits, and most accidents are caused by a visual discrepancy of less than half a second. That is an eternity to a machine but barely perceptible to a human.
We already know from the war in afghanistan that automated vehicles can go around in obstacle-courses - caves with boulders, people, falling debris, explosions, - where a human might be able to, after many hours of intensive military training.
When you analyze what people complain about regarding driving, or traffic, it all makes sense if you think about it in terms of hardware limitations.
And honestly? Many of them would probably do better in an airborne hovering vehicle where they had the additional dimension of being able to go up or down. Aircraft are full of a lot of automation now, and the pilot's job more often than not is to analyze what's being given them on the instrument panel. Visually, sure, but they are not expected to actually look before, behind, to the side, glance and pick something up in a half second or less. The actual looking is most often done by machines, and the results are displayed in a way they can sensibly view on a screen.
With the hardware humans possess, that method makes a lot more sense than the complete mess we call driving on roads. At least until machines do most of the work, like they do in the air, or the automated vehicles do on military missions.
I agree with those who say you can't really miss what you've never had. I certainly don't. Yeah I occasionally get frustrated with my blindness 9only because I can't and probably never will drive), but since I'll probably always be blind there's no sense being bitter about it.
I don't think doing a practical analysis of the situation, or even wishing there were some things you could do better or differently equates to being bitter.
I'm not bitter that I can't fly or breathe underwater either, but honestly both would also be very attractive if available as hardware options for humans. So, why not, I say.
Nor was I implying that. But I have known some people who definitely qualified as bitter. And these were folks who'd been blind their whole lives, not just folks who were newly blind. I guess what I'm trying to say is I won't be holding my breath for a procedure to give me sight anytime soon or even that I'll be able to drive anytime in my life, much less before I'm too old to care.
Another thing that I miss having been blind my whole life:
Oh and to people like the last poster, I use the term 'miss', in the same way you say I missed the shot, rather than say I miss someone.
Anyway it's styles, in particular, my daughter says she is "incorporating some fifties styles" into her dress. She is not a two-bit worthless goody two-shoes daughter of a McCarthyist with a head that serves her for little more than a hat rack. She's very intelligent, and in her terms considers herself alternative.
I understand she doesn't have the poodle skirts, and some of the other things that come from that era: that's not what she's up to. It's more the hair and the makeup. But the visual I get when someone says they are incorporating fifties into their getup (style) is a lot of what I just described. Or if she had said sixties, I'd be thinking au natural, tie dye, you know.
It's incomprehensible to me having no sight and never had any, how someone who is pretty idealistic about green living, local foods, all that stuff the kids are into now, would say they are incorporating from an era that is decidedly very plastic and artificial on all levels.
Oh and when I mentioned the above fifties things she was insulted: not that I mentioned those but that I thought she would actually stoop to such levels. I had to laugh. But yes, it's incomprehensible.
As incomprehensible as one of us who were kids in the 1980s - the era of all things big and powerful / glamorous, saying they were incorporating sixties into their style.
I realize this can all make some visual sense, and honestly, because it's my daughter I wish I did understand it only because in some way I would understand her better, I think so anyway. But that is something which completely boggles my mind, and I am not at all ashamed anymore to admit it.